There are some "pleasures" you cannot skip simply by moving to another country. That includes paying income tax to the US government or having to renew your drivers license. This week Van and I had the pleasure of doing both. Taxes, schmaxes......same as usual. But the Costa Rican DMV is another story all together.
Our trip to COSEVI (aka Costa Rican DMV) provided proof of something I have long suspected, pure evil in the guise of a paper pushing, line loving bureaucrat resides inside those taupe walls. Like a clown with it's hideous make-up and never ending smile, DMV employees sit behind their counter on their vinyl upholstered thrones with unchanging facial expressions waiting to punish you for nothing more than being than being you. It isn't easy to look annoyed, bored and inconvenienced with a hint of smirk all at the same time but I assure it is a talent found universally among those that issue drivers licenses. And yes, they all demand smiles for your picture knowing full well that nothing short of Julia Robert's re-toucher could make you look even slightly human.
I think going to renew or replace a lost license was like the karmic equivalent of the "take a penny tray." Everyone has to put in a penny eventually, especially if you have ever taken a penny. It all comes around and evens out over time. Sure you may have to waste three hours of your life waiting for someone to call number B-47 at Window D. Eventually you will be rewarded with a good parking spot at the mall or an extra order of fries at a drive through window. Someday........
So today was my turn to put in a karmic penny at Photo Booth #3 where my smile demanding photo taker had "6-6-6" tattooed in prison sheik style his forearm. All I could think was, FINALLY someone at the DMV admits it! It was like he was saying "of course, I am evil now smile damn it or I will fill out a requisition form to steal your soul."
Van got stuck with a lecturing mumbler which I assume is a lesser demon. He doesn't suck out souls but does drive you mad with lectures and nagging. First, he feathers got ruffled over Van's height being listed at 1.88 meters. Neither one of us is really sure what that was about aside from the demon in Camera Booth #2 being irked. Next he mumbled at Van and in rapid Spanish then lectured him for not understanding. He went as far as telling Van that if he plans to live in Costa Rica he needs to learn Spanish. For the record, Van is fairly fluent but has trouble with the Costa Rican mushmouth dialect. Something I think he should have expressed with a few choice words. Of course, Van said nothing because he knows better than to challenge evil in it's own lair. We watched enough Buffy to know that. Beelzebub Junior also demanded a smile.
In the end we escaped with our lives and truely awful pictures. I look like a very pale tarted up whore for clowns and Van eyes are rolled up so he looks like Valley Girl being told leg warmers aren't the shiz. Above all we paid our dues to karmic take a penny tray and got confirmation that ALL DMVs are a playground for evil. At least we don't have to go back for another five years!